Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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