I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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