the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
