He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
