I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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