Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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