Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
