thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
