I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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