we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
