I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
