Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
