i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
