In the future we'll all be gay
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
