My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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