White coat. Heels.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How external is "for external use only"?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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