I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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