After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
