3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
