I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
