why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
