with your own penis?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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