Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
