My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
