I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
