Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
