it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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