For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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