I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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