I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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