By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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