mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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