he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
