There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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