Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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