Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
