a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
