I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize