I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
