Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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