i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
