Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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