You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
