Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
