I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize