If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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