I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
