: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
