:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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