Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there was a trapeze. enough said
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
