Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
