weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
