Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
