I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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