i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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