I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
