3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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