As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize