Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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