I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
