we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize