I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
