On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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