Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
