$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
