Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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