My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
