my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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