not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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