There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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