maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
