why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
