Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
