forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize