I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
