Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
