My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sobbing to NWA
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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