I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
