i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize