Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
