I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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