Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize