I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
