I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
