i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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