Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize