Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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