I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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