were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
