I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
