You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
