WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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