don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
